just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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