New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
