i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
