why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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