What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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