Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
