I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
