I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
