Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
