my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
