You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The air taste purple.
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