I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we're blogging at a bar
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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