Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
