Soap is not a condiment
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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