I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
