Small penises have feelings too.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
