i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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