I think I won the penis lottery.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
