So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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