I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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