if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
