he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
