So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
