My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
