I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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