Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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