Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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