First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
