Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
