And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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