Taylor Swift is so right about you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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