hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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