I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
