Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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