Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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