once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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