hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they call him Oral-B. enough said
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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