I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
