ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
