My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
