You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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