Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
