so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
