Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
