why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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