you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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