you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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