You're completely useless in the revolution.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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