i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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