We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
