Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
