i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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