I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
