The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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