for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
