these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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