I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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