I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
